i decided i'm going to start this thing up again. even if no one ever reads it.
here is a poem i wrote yesterday, it's about a feeling i get a lot.

I think it’s my job to fuck things up
Remind me to never gain confidence
When I stay to myself
I’m happy… in my dreams
When I try and push them on reality
They fail and it seems
Like I can never do anything right anymore
How has my life become such a bore?
If I put this out there who won’t ignore?
Should I give up on love,
And start a war?
With the world I’ve grown to love
And come to hate it
Cause god never seems to give me the path I’ve waited
So patiently and quietly as long as I could
But I think its time to turn my back on him for good
And even though it’s pretty obvious I should
I never will be able to, gods a part of me now
But it is nothing flashy or profound
And if I made him up in my head it doesn’t matter
He’s that one imaginary friend I’ll have forever
I wish the god that I created
Could help me out instead of fading
Away all the glimpses of good I catch every once and a while
Don’t fret, I realize I end almost every day with a smile
I believe this is because the people I surround myself with
But sometimes that’s not enough to end the empty feeling
I get in my stomach when I think really hard, stealing
Away from the sensible parts of my brain
That Denys all of my pain and stores it away
That’s why these words might seem out of character
I don’t show it, or I don’t feel it… it’s a small factor
In my life, but sometimes all that I can think about
It makes me want to let it out, shout and pout
But most of the time I still keep it in
And that is probably my greatest sin.

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